1608) Turkish Chilli Solutions To Turkish Problems

I am an optimist. Yes, everything may go horribly wrong, but still there are plentiful reasons to cheer up. It is always helpful to start solving problems by thinking that the glass is half full rather than saying glass is half empty.

Realistically, the prospects for Turkey are not very bright. Cyprus, Armenians, Dink Murder, Northern Iraq, Ajdar (our megahyperwhatever popstar see it yourself), football terror and last but not least climate change are all messing up our hopeful foresights.

But as a Turk, it is hard to beat me. I survive when they think I am finished. Even sitting silent, I can dream a thousand Vienna sieges. Do not panic, it is just a joke. . . . .

So starting from the bottom of the list, climate change, these are my solution scenarios.

The first priority is global warming because I want to make sure that human survival is not at stake, so I and other Turks, Armenians and Greeks can enjoy another millennium of collective hostility.

Before developing my own solution, I made a quick research on the net for what to be done. From what I understood so far, we have to make personal sacrifices to stop global warming.

Some rich columnists promise to give up frequent flying and skiing. As a proletarian writer, I do not have those luxuries, but as a frontier I have the urge to be a correct and cost effective example to my readers.

Maybe it is not flying or skiing but I have managed to reduce my personal contribution to carbon dioxide emissions by nearly 99%. I gave up my girlfriend. Yes, to stop global warming, I found an excellent proletarian solution.

“You know I love you, but to save the earth, I am giving up the biggest carbon dioxide emitting thing in my life, and sadly that is you”, I said to her. Her initial response was “What?”. The next thing I remember before getting hospitalized was her bag, which is full of stuff enough for a plumber to fix Africa’s drought problems, approaching to my left eye.

Making a woman happy is enormously carbon dioxide emitting procedure. You have to buy gifts, have all sorts of conveniences, be clean, flowers, calls, dinner at the restaurants and all sorts of useless things have to be done.

After all these unnecessary capitalist consumer tasks, what you get is the unmatched, sacred love of a woman. My team Besiktas FC can do it for 15 euros in 90 minutes without any gifts.

So precautions to stop global warming are done. No girlfriend and more football.

But yet, this adds up to the problem of football terror. The more I am away from the girls and close to the patriarchal atmosphere of football stadiums, the more aggressive I become.

Things are not that bad. I still have “Valley of the Wolves” series starting tonight to satisfy my lonely ego and mimic a maniac’s acts to remedy my ailing personal character, try to persuade myself that “Crows fly in groups, hawks fly lonely”.

Hmm, you push a button, it pushes other buttons. Not a tree hugging hippie but an eco friendly girlfriend can be a wise choice.

Even if I fail to correctly solve my involvement in global warming, I can look to the events from a purple left eye with joy and happiness.

Maybe global warming is not a bad thing at all. The ice caps will melt, water will rise and hopefully Cyprus problem will be solved.

After Greek Cyprus’s EU accession, the road for dialog has been closed. Since then Turkish diplomats are working twice as hard to prove Turkey is right.

Flying from country to country, trying to explain the situation to every other diplomat is a big carbon dioxide emitting procedure. If the Cyprus problem was solved, Turkey will already be reaching the 1990s emission levels, by just freeing up diplomatic efforts.

But the solution in the near future is unlikely, so the only solution to the Cyprus problem can be global warming. Slowly they will sink into the bottom of Mediterranean. Cyprus problem solved, diplomats freed. But these Greek Cypriots are brilliant people, they can build an underwater community like Atlantis and continue irritating Turkey.

No luck with this problem either. About Northern Iraq, I have no idea… Ajdar has been beaten up by another star Alihan, case closed.

Still there is the Armenian problem. I broke up with my girl, football terror increased, waters rise, Greek Cypriots formed an underwater community, problem still continues deep under, but how about Armenians?

I am a proud Turkish and after Hrant Dink’s murder I have felt the doubling of this proud. Do not get me wrong! Not because he is dead, but because thousands of Turks showed the courage to chant “We are Dink’s, we are Armenians”.

This is the mercy and courage that Armenians have never expressed behind the Turkish diplomats killed by Armenian terror organization ASALA. Especially Diaspora Armenians didn’t express any sympathy for those killed cowardly. Yet Turks show the world that they are different. This is the premium I got by being Turkish!

But these lines will not solve any problem, on the contrary it will inflame. A solution to this Armenian-Turkish problem is from Mr Dink himself. The following lines are from an interview with Hrant Dink in Turkish. Translation mistakes are due to me.

“We are two diseased nations, Armenians and Turks” he says and continues:

“Armenians live with a big trauma against Turks and Turks live in paranoia against Armenians.
We are two clinically diseased cases
Who [What] will cure us?
The decision of the French senate? The decision of the US senate?
Who will give the prescription? Who will be our doctor?
Armenians are the doctors[cure] for the Turks? Turks are the doctors[cure] for Armenians.
Other than this, there is no doctor, no prescription..
Dialog is the only prescription
Doctors are each others.
There is no solution other than this…”
(Su Catlagini buldu)

Yes, Dink is certainly right. Dialog is the only solution, if we can build bridges first.

Dialog is a long process and does not happen overnight. With in the current discussions, the dialog is very unlikely because everyone knows each others stance. If any dialog is intended, the rule must be “Rejecting or Accepting genocide should not be discussed”.

We have one big conflict and millions of other similarities. Can Diaspora Armenians start a dialogue by placing their claims to bottom of the list for subjects to be discussed? Is the glass still half full?

Can the civil society start an initiative? Does it possible for people believing in dialog in both societies to start initiatives like a Hrant Dink award for Turkish Armenian Dialog?

There is a long way to go, which needs lots of courage and patience from both sides. As I demonstrated, I have given up my girlfriend to save the world. Do the Armenians have this courage?

Comment by Baris Sanli
August 2007


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