07 January 2008
Note by Okatanadam: This is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, and locations portrayed are all fictious. Any identification of the location, name, character or history of any person, product, or entity is not entirely coincidental, nor unintentional.
Case of ARMEN versus MUSTAFA, presided by Hon. Judge Irving Marcus Fair.
Judge I.M.Fair: Please present your case.
ARMEN: Mustafa's family killed all of my family.
Judge I.M.Fair: How many family members did you lose ? ...
Judge I.M.Fair: Is this true Mustafa that your family killed ARMEN's family ?
Mustafa: There have been fights between our families since late 19th century because ARMEN's family wanted to push my family out the region so they could keep all the lands for themselves
Judge I.M.Fair: Mustafa, did you lose any members of your family in these fights ?
Mustafa: Yes, your Honor, 15.
Judge I.M.Fair: ARMEN, do you have any proof that Mustafa's family premeditated your family's death ?
ARMEN: It was all over the news, Judge...
I.B Fair: What news ?
ARMEN: The New-York Times, the...
Judge I.M.Fair: I read those articles, they were originally reported by clerics close to your family, weren't they ?
ARMEN: Mr. Henry Morgan also wrote about it...
Judge I.M.Fair: Yes but Mr. Morgan never went out of his office to see for himself and always relied on members of your family to do his own writings, so he cannot be considered as an eyewitness.
ARMEN: There is a document called the Blue Book that has plenty of proofs in it...
Judge I.M.Fair: I remember this book, but the Brits never acknowledged the authenticity of its content.
ARMEN: Are you a denialist, Judge?
Judge I.M.Fair: Certainly not, but in a court of law, one needs irrefutable proofs, not newspaper articles or hearsay.
ARMEN: My brother in law, Andonian, has certified documents...
Judge I.M.Fair: Yes, I reviewed those documents, too. It appears that he wrote them himself, in fact, they were crude forgeries.
ARMEN: Are you related to Mustafa's family, Judge ? Judge I.M.Fair: Huh ???
ARMEN: Are you on Mustafa's payroll ?
Judge I.M.Fair: That's enough out of you for one day. This court is adjourned until tomorrow 10:00AM.
Next day 10:00AM...
Case of ARMEN versus Mustafa, presided by Hon. Judge Ulrich $anford Allstein.
Mustafa: Excuse me, but where is Judge I.M.Fair ?
Judge U$A: He died last night when his house burned down by an unknown arsonists. ARMEN: As I was saying yesterday, Judge, 18 members of my family died because of Mustafa...
Judge U$A: 18 ???
Mustafa: That’s not true, Your Honor. ARMEN didn’t lose 18 members of his family. He himself said he lost 6 members yesterday, And even that number was grossly exaggerated.
Judge U$A: Do you have any proof to support your charges, Mustafa?
Mustafa: Of course, Your Honor, I have plenty of certified documents that can prove my statements.
Judge U$A: ARMEN, do you have any verifiable documents to submit to support your charges ?
ARMEN: Huh... but your Honor, you know, don’t you, that 30 members of my family died...
Judge U$A: 30 ???, ARMEN, do you have any proof ???
ARMEN: Your Honor, I'm a good CHRISTIAN, I'm a regular contributor of your town's church, why would I lie ?!?!?
Judge U$A: Oh, how about you, Mustafa ?
Mustafa: I'm a MUSLIM your Honor.
Judge U$A: Mustafa, you are hereby found guilty of killing members of ARMEN's family.
Mustafa: But your Honor, I have irrefutable proof that ARMEN’s family initiated the killings. And ARMEN has certified documents in his possession as we speak proving that what I am saying is the absolute truth but he wouldn't let anyone access these documents....
Judge U$A: Victims have such rights to privacy. Anyway, the verdict has been rendered. This court is adjourned !
The next day, ARMEN sees Judge U$A in the church...
ARMEN: Good Morning your Honor,
Judge U$A: Good Morning. Tell me ARMEN, since this thing happened more than 90 years ago, what's the point of bringing it up after so long, considering that you really didn't have much of a case in the first place?
ARMEN: Well, Judge, holding your verdict in my hand now, my family and I are going to be able to collect from various life insurance policies, plus interests of course. Also, we're going to claim back the lands on which we used to live.
Judge U$A: But I thought you said that all of your family died...
ARMEN: (smirking) Nice to see you Judge, bye...
--- The End ---
Note to the readers: The above is a fictitious but very educational and entertaining scenario written by one of our dedicated readers whose real name I was requested to keep confidential by the writer as the writer is already the target of a venomous vilification campaign by some Armenians. Enjoy!
Labels: Ergun KIRLIKOVALI