2548) Some Armenians Write Anonymously On Internet As They Are Afraid of Turkish Retaliation

STRAIGHT TALK
Some Armenians write anonymously on the Internet because, I am told, they are afraid of Turkish retaliation. I invite these Armenians to answer the following questions. How many Armenians have Turks killed during the last fifty years? How many Turks have Armenians killed in the same period? And last but far from least: How many Armenians have been killed by Armenians? . .

Turks, moreover, have welcomed thousands of Armenians in Turkey. How many Turks have we welcomed in our homeland and communities in the Diaspora? “Dzour nesdink, shidag khossink.”
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Anyone who thinks he knows and understands everything he needs to know and understand should be declared a certified case of arrested development or a mindset that consists in mindlessness.

If space can't be infinite, where does it end? What's on the other side of the line or wall? Why things exist? These are questions no scientist or philosopher has ever been able to answer. Now then, go ahead and pretend to know and understand all you need to know and understand when what you know may not even be a drop in the ocean of knowledge.

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ILLUSIONS
A headline in our paper this morning reads: “Saudi king calls for unity and reconciliation.” If kings can entertain illusions, why not Armenian scribblers?...
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Some Armenians believe if they lower Turks, they will raise themselves. Like most beliefs, this too is an illusion. People don't judge you by how much you hate your enemies, but by how well you treat your friends.
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What is the difference between an Armenian who uses his tongue like a yataghan and an executioner? The executioner thinks of himself as a law-and-order man. The Armenian believes his superior brand of patriotism allows him to engage in verbal massacre – the real thing being against the law...
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It is said that shortly before he died, Zohrab's assassin dictated an apology. He may have – he was a Kurd.
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Writing for a hostile audience can be more stimulating than writing for a friendly one. But nothing beats writing for Armenians.
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Speaking of Kurdish assassins: When a wealthy Armenian merchant hired a notorious Kurdish assassin to kill Raffi, the Kurd refused to carry out his assignment when he found out his target was only a harmless scribbler. Had the Kurd been an Armenian, I suspect the story would have had a different ending.

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ARMENIANS AND ARMENIANS
I keep writing in the full knowledge that on the day I die I will look back and think it has all been a waste and that I could have been of more use to my fellow men had I been a plumber or carpenter.
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Jesus was a carpenter. I wonder why more Christians are not encouraged to go into carpentry. An Armenian friend of mine, a born-again in his eighties, who knows the Bible inside out, is an amateur carpenter. He hates Turks not because they tried to exterminate us but because they didn't finish the job. Judging by the kind of e-mails I get and comments on Armenian discussion forums, this born-again friend of mine is not a rare case among us.
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It is easy to sermonize about love and patriotism (which is also love – love of country and countrymen) but much more difficult to practice what one preaches.
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If two Armenians cannot share their Armenianism, neither it seems can they share their humanity. Why this should be so is beyond me. If you have an answer, please let me have it.
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To be fair, not all Armenians hate Armenians. Armenians can be excellent friends provided they live on different continents, share the same belief system, and their grand-grandparents were born and raised in the same obscure little village in Anatolia.
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What if the so-called superior brand of Armenianism of Ottomanized Armenians is nothing but an inferior brand of Ottomanism?
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Armenian and Armenian is like cat and dog, or cobra and mongoose, or chicken and fox, or Armenian and Turk.

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OPINIONS
An opinion is just an opinion. It is not and it should not be treated like a paragraph in a belief-system.
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To contradict an opinion with a belief system is like trying to kill a butterfly with a sledgehammer.
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To me, our genocide is less about Turkish barbarism and more about Armenian weakness. To emphasize the first and ti ignore the second is to miss the point.
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With some Armenians, patriotism is a word that allows them to either insult their fellow Armenians or to get their money.
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There are times when writing for Armenians feels like engaging in mortal combat.
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We ask for a solution to our problems, and when someone gives it to us, we ignore it. Case in point: In the 19th century Raffi said, “the Ottoman Empire is no place for Armenians.” Had we acted on his advice, there would have been no genocide. Whenever I mention this fact, outraged readers tell me: “Are you suggesting we should have abandoned our 'babenagan' (ancestral) homes and emigrated en masse? That's crazy!”
Well, was it sane being driven out forcefully into the desert and dying of thirst and starvation by the million?
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Long before Raffi, Yeghishé (5th century AD) said: “Solidarity is the mother of good deeds, divisiveness of evil ones.”
You may now draw your own conclusions.

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DO I SPEAK THE TRUTH?
No, of course not.
Truth is God's territory, not ours.
We, poor mortals, can speak only of what we have experienced, seen, and understood, which means only a tiny fraction of reality, and tiny to the point of being almost invisible to the naked eye.
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If we disagree, it may be because our experiences are different. I could never say I will ignore my own experiences and adopt yours.
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If what you have experienced, seen, and understood is different from mine, so much the better. It is by assembling as many eyewitness accounts as we can that we may have an approximate version of our collective experience. But if you say only the positive should be accepted and the negative rejected, then the result is bound to be not an objective and balanced version of the story but one that is more akin to fiction and propaganda.
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If you say, “Armenians are not as bad as you paint them,” then I am fully justified in saying “Neither are they as good as they claim to be.” After all, who in his right mind lends any credence to the self-assessment of a self-satisfied jackass or to the boasts of a megalomaniac?
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One way to judge a nation is by the manner in which it treats its writers, which also means, ideas in general, and free speech, that is to say, human rights. To understand a nation, read the history of its literature.
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Every Armenian pretends to be a better Armenian. As for the alienated and assimilated: they pretend to be better human beings, and who can blame them?
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They tell me, as a writer I should inspire rather than denigrate. A writer? Me? No! I am only a witness among many. A witness who thinks we either seek wisdom or wallow in our ignorance. That may not be the truth. But neither is it a lie. Let us agree to call it an approximation.

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WHO LOVES ARMENIANS?
Not even Armenians.
Am I saying something you don't know?
Is it conceivable to say anything to an Armenian that he doesn't already know?
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There is no cure for stupidity and patriotism, surely, the most lethal combination in the history of mankind.
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Whenever there is talk of literature and Armenians, I am reminded of the Turkish saying: “Eshek khoshavdan ne annar?” (freely translated: “What the hell does a jackass know about stewed raisins?”)
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Called “Asshole” by a farmer, Chirac is said to have extended his hand and replied: “Pleased to meet you. My name is Chirac.”
Compare this story to what happened in a Yerevan nightclub when a probably tipsy Armenian greeted Kocharian in a too friendly manner: he was dragged out by Kocharian's bodyguards and beaten to death in the washroom.
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In our Soviet phase, our commissars said, “If we can shoot them, by bother sending them to Siberia?” In the Diaspora today they say: “If we can silence or insult them, why bother saying we disagree with them.”
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A house divided is not a home.
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Next time someone tells you we need solutions, ask him: “If I give you one, what will you do with it?”
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Never speak in the name of God or patriotism if you can speak in the name of common sense and decency.
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The most widespread fallacy among Armenians, “Those in authority know better.”
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A question an Armenian never asks: “What if I am wrong?”

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ALL IN A DAY'S WORK
The struggle between truth-seekers and liars is as old as mankind, and if it ever comes to an end, you can be sure of one thing: it won't be in our lifetime.
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A headline in our Op-Ed page today reads: “Junk science tactics are designed to confuse the public and the policy-makers.”
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Kings are beheaded, presidents assassinated, generals killed, chief executive officers are exposed as crooks, writers are silenced, rejected, betrayed, starved, sometimes even butchered or shot by commissars and their many pseudo- and neo-successors. It's all in a day's work. It comes with the territory. It is an integral part of the human condition. A routine occurrence in the history of mankind.
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I like to say that some of my worst detractors who write anonymously are either bishops or sons of bishops because when I wrote for the weeklies, one of the nastiest letters to the editor against me was written by the secretary of a bishop – probably dictated by him.
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“To write as you do, you must have some big balls!” a reader tells me. No. Not really. As a matter of fact, whenever I visit my dentist, I remind him of the fact that I happen to be an Orthodox Coward. If I appear brave to some it may be because I am surrounded by yellow-belly dupes with the guts of a mouse who are afraid of their own shadow.
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And then there is the motor-mouth fishwife and the garbage-mouth imbecile who expects me to believe that I am always wrong and s/he is always right. There is only one infallible person on this planet and we meet him every day in an Armenians discussion forum.
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Since they write anonymous(e)ly, most of my detractors think no one will ever know who they are. No one except themselves; and they may run from themselves but they can't hide.

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HOMAGE TO MY MUSES
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Ever since some years ago I called one of my not-so-gentle readers an “inbred moron,” he has done his utmost to prove me right. More recently the same thing happened when I called two of my less-than-gentle readers a “fishwife” and a “garbage-mouth scumbag” respectively.
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After reading that Charents had committed suicide by banging his head against the wall of his Yerevan jail, a reader suggests that I do the same – that is, bang my head against a wall until I am dead. I have every reason to suspect that if this reader were to bang his head against a cement wall, he would pulverize the wall long before he manages to do any discernible damage to his skull. Perhaps there lies the secret of our survival -- not inner strength, versatility, and cunning (as we have been brainwashed to believe) but a thick skull.
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Judging by their concentrated venom, some readers hate me so much that all I have to do to get even with them is to stay alive.
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One of the advantages of being an Armenian writer is the knowledge that all it takes to acquire a mortal enemy, a faithful reader, and an endless source of inspiration (all three for the price of one) is to come up with the right word at the right time and place.
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Some poets are inspired by noble sentiments or heroic deeds, others by picturesque landscapes or sunsets or the eternal snows of Mount Ararat, still others by a lovely face. All I need is an ugly Armenian and I don't even have to look for them. They come to me gift-wrapped and free of charge. I can truly say therefore that when it comes to muses, my cup runneth over niagarally.

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VARIATIONS ON FAMILIAR THEMES
If you have a choice
between fighting a sumo wrestler
and a motor-mouth wench,
choose the fat Jap.
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The difference between a garden-variety idiot
and an Armenian idiot is that
the Armenian will think of himself as a genius.
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Of how many brainwashed dupes one could say,
he may shave and wear pants
but his brain is still in diapers.
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If you are for honesty,
crooks will unite against you.
If you are for free speech,
commissars will gang up on you.
If you are for democracy,
fascists will verbally massacre you.
It has been my misfortune
to have riffraff as critics.
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If no one wants you dead,
you can't be a writer.
A brown-noser, yes.
A writer, no!
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Nothing can be as repellent
as the rottenness of mediocrities
or the self-satisfaction of a total ignoramus
who parades as an expert on any given subject
and becomes so vulgar and aggressive when contradicted
that no one wants to tangle with him –
a fact which he invariably misinterprets as a victory.

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BRAZIL
When no one comments on what I write, I feel ignored, dejected, depressed.
When even a single reader takes it upon himself to verbally abuse me,
I feel much better.
When, on those very rare occasions,
two or more readers insult me,
I think I've got it made
and any better I couldn't stand.
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Writing for Armenians is a sensation
akin to swimming in a Brazilian river
teeming with toothless piranhas.
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They may be toothless
but they have the memory of elephants.
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ARMENIAN SAYINGS
A toothless dog barks from a distance.
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If you have a choice between fighting
a fully-armed knight on horseback
and a loud-mouth woman,
choose the knight.
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When you go to war, pray once.
When you cross the ocean, pray twice.
When you take a wife,
pray three times.
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A coward takes revenge by slicing a watermelon.
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He who speaks the truth bears many scars.

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FASCISTS AMONG US
Once upon a time I was a fascist and didn't know it. The first time someone pointed that out to me, I thought,what the hell does he know? There is a tendency in all of us to believe that which is to our advantage and to disbelieve or ignore that which is against us. If someone tells us we are smart, we think, sure, why not? But if someone tells us we are dumb or even not as smart as we think we are, that's when the excrement hits the ventilator.
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Can a victim of fascism be a fascist, or the victim of a racist be a racist? When a Canadian critic with a German name, in his review of my first book, called me a racist, I thought, the damn fool is projecting.
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If you can't trust your father, or schoolteacher, or parish priest, whom can you trust? Very probably this misconception or misplaced trust has created more fascists than Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, and Idi Amin Dada combined.
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Can a victim of fascism be a fascist? As nationalists, we don't think of ourselves as victims of fascism. We think of ourselves as victims of Turks, Kurds, Russians, or Azeris. But a fascist is a fascist regardless of nationality, in the same way that “a bourgeois is a bourgeois regardless of nationality” (Lenin), a Neanderthal is a Neanderthal, a skinhead is a skinhead, a hoodlum is a hoodlum, and a dealer in chauvinist crapola is a dealer in verbal manure, and the fact that the ordure happens to be of Armenian origin doesn't make its stench more bearable.
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How to recognize a fascist? If you express an honest opinion and you are verbally abused, he is a fascist. Whenever that happens to me, I count my blessings. In another time and place, I think, he would have me shot or do the shooting himself, and get a medal for it, or a raise in pay “for services rendered to the Fatherland.” Heil Hitler! Mussolini ha sempre ragione (Mussolini is always right). Gott mit uns (God with us). Finally, if he speaks in the name of God only to legitimize his ignorance, intolerance, hatred, and criminal conduct, he is a fascist.

MORE ON ARMENIAN FASCISM
May I take the liberty to remind some of my not-so-gentle readers that dialogue consists in assertion or thesis, contradiction or antithesis, and synthesis, and not – repeat, not!, definitely verboten – in kicking in the balls of your adversary, gouging his eyes out, and dancing on his grave.
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If I ever decide to write a book on Armenian fascism, all I have to do is visit an Armenian discussion forum on the Internet and quote from it by way of illustration.
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The hardest thing for an Armenian to understand is that supporting a regime of bloodsuckers has absolutely nothing to do with patriotism and everything to do with cowardly and blind subservience.
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There is talk here in Canada about passing a law against anonymous bullying on the Internet. If that happens, most Armenian discussion forums will go out of business, and I for one will not mourn their passing.
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Since as an Armenian writer I work for nothing, there are those who think I would be more than willing to work for minimum wage, and they are taken aback when I insult them.

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A ROUTINE OCCURRENCE
In his effort to assert his brand of superior patriotism, he exposes himself as a scumbag, and he is too full of himself to realize what's happening – and when I say too full of himself I mean of course too full of something else...
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DEFINITIONS OF PATRIOTISM
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A bishop will define it as a belief system in which God and His representatives on earth play a central role. A benefactor will define it as a system in which Capital is God. A political boss will define it as a system in which the Party (namely, himself) is both God and Capital. It follows, in the eyes of some we will all be guilty of treason and deserve to fry.
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THE ART OF WAR
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If in doubt be assertive on the grounds that the average dupe or ignoramus judges the reliability of an opinion by the degree of assertiveness it is made. If you suspect your adversary knows better, be aggressive on the grounds that if he is half as smart he will have enough sense not to tangle with you.
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ON BENEFACTORS, BROWN-NOSERS,
FUND RAISERS, & PANCHOONIES
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Raymond Chandler: “Where the money is, so will the jackals gather.”

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RONDO
The biggest mistakes are the easiest to make.
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Even when historians agree on the facts or physics (time, place, numbers) they may disagree on the metaphysics (values, ethics, religious commandments). Some Muslims are brought up to believe killing infidels is not a crime against humanity but a religious duty. They may thus plead not guilty by reason of religious conviction, belief system, or metaphysical insanity.
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The rule is, if a politician and historian agree, they must be both wrong.
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Losing wars is not a crime. It can happen to the mightiest empires (remember the Yanks in Vietnam and the Soviets in Afghanistan). Peace-loving and civilized people may be enslaved by warlike barbarians. That too is not a crime. What is a crime, and a serious one, is, in legal parlance, dropping your pants and bending over. To the sultans we were their most loyal millet, and to the Bolsheviks we betrayed our ablest men. But that's not our greatest blunder either. Our greatest blunder,which is worse than a crime, is treating our own leaders as if they were sultans and commissars.
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Habits die hard. It may take more than a century to shake off habits acquired during millennia. For more on this subject, read Baronian and Odian – two men with cojones who spoke the truth as they saw it. Baronian was betrayed to the police and Odian died an alcoholic. And finally, consider the case of Gomidas Vartabed whose sole ambition in life was to revive our ancient melodies and harmonies. He too was betrayed to the authorities and eventually took refuge in insanity.

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EMPIRES AND TRIBES
Empires are not born but made. Once upon a time all empires were a single obscure little tribe in some remote corner of the map. It takes a thousand right policy decisions for a tribe to become an empire, and it takes an equal number of wrong decision for a tribe to remain a tribe.

Whenever this subject comes up, I hear someone say, “We Armenians are peace-loving people, not greedy and bloodthirsty empire builders.”

Such an Armenian speaks with a forked tongue. I believe nothing he says because he does not speak, he parrots hearsay evidence. Such an Armenian will believe anything that flatters his vanity. In another context this very same Armenian will boast about the empire of Dikran the Great.

Don't get me wrong. I am not here to extol imperialism. I am only trying to understand and explain reality as objectively as I can without allowing the propaganda of politicians to contaminate my reason.

All politicians lie, including our own. Nothing unusual in that. Our historians, like most historians, lie too, and they lie to earn their pay. We hate to admit this for a number of reasons. We hate to admit that subservience has entered our bloodstream and rearranged our DNA. For many centuries we were subservient to foreign despots. We are now subservient to the lies of our wheeler-dealers even when they tell us they had nothing to do with out misfortunes. It was all written. Kismet. God is great, and God in His wisdom has willed it thus and so.
It has been said that Christianity replaced the human master (or king) with the divine master, and God is a king who doesn't have to exist in order to rule.

Again and again I am told to be more positive and to provide solutions. Does that mean lies are positive and truth negative? Does that mean objective judgment is suspect and propaganda patriotic?

A critic's job is not to kiss ass and say it smells like roses, but to expose contradictions, and more particularly, the lies of charlatans.

As for solutions: Do you then think all our writers have been doing during the last 1500 years is engage in mental masturbation? If you think that, all I can say is: May God have mercy on your soul, if there is a God and you have a soul.

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OBSERVATIONS
All our publications are subsidized by bosses, bishops, and benefactors. Which means you can say nothing against God, Capital, and the Party; only Turks. This may explain why our Turcocentric ghazetajis are our most prolific, ubiquitous, and popular writers. Next time you hear about an Armenian who was awarded a literary prize, you can be sure of one thing: he is a Turcaholic.
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Armenian criticism: Revenge by other means.
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I have never heard a decent Armenian say we need solutions, only dupes and crooks who will reject any solution that threatens to expose them.
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The only time I question the truth of the dictum, “No one is beyond redemption,” is when I visit an Armenian discussion forum on the Internet.
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To ignore Armenian writers is to exterminate them by other means. There is a micro-Talaat and mini-Stalin in all of us.
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An Armenian once said to me: “When I stay away from Armenians, I am a vegetarian. In their company I become a carnivore.”
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Some writers, among them Gabriel Garcia Marquez, write for their friends. I write against my enemies. My ideal reader is one who reacts to my things with profanities, but after a while – say, in 9 or 99 years – he begins to suspect I may not be as hopeless a case as he thought I was, and someday, with his guidance, I may even begin to see things his way.

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ON TRUTH AND LIES
Hagop Baronian: “Truth is a language that if not spoken is forgotten.”
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Socrates: “To know is to remember.”
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The more incompetent or corrupt the leadership, the bigger the lies of nationalist historians.
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Since no one reads Armenian writers these days, I have taken it upon myself to paraphrase and quote them if only to remind our philistines that once upon a time there trod upon this earth giants with cojones who spoke the truth as they saw it. Ostracized, starved, betrayed to the police, and killed in cold blood, they are now as extinct as dinosaurs. In their place we now have castrated midgets who bitch endlessly about Turks.
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Like most Armenians I too was brainwashed to emphasize the positive and cover up the negative, that is to say, to lie. But somewhere along the line I discovered the value of the dictum “Truth shall set you free.” I also began to see that covering up the negative meant recycling the propaganda of “leaders” who, it has been said, cannot even lead a dog to the nearest fire hydrant or catch a cold in a flu epidemic. Propaganda is the medium of politicians, and politicians, regardless of nationality, are enemies of another dictum as valid and self-evident as the one about truth quoted above, namely “All men are brothers.”
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Today's quote in our local paper: “People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest.”Hermann Hesse.

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MEMOS: TO MY FELLOW ARMENIANS
If no one flatters you
do not flatter yourself
but if you do
do not confuse your lies
with articles of faith
straight out of Holy Writ.
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If a fellow Armenian
refuses to parrot
your sentiments and thoughts
don't accuse him of being a Turk
who hates not only you
but also Mount Ararat
and Lake Sevan.
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If a fellow Armenian
disagrees with you
don't insult him;
but if you do
and he returns the compliment
don't spend the rest of your life
trying to get even.
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If you are in a hole
stop digging as if
you aimed to reach China.
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If you bray like an jackass
don't compare yourself to Pavarotti.
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If you look like a mongoloid
walk like a retard
speak like an inbred moron
don't brag about your genius.
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If you begin to suspect
no one wants to touch you
with a ten-foot pole
the very least you can do
is not to pretend
the sun shines
out of your backside.

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FINAL SOLUTION
You want solutions to our problems?
Read the Bible.
And if you think you are smarter than God,
find your own goddamn solutions.
If you say the solutions in the Bible are dated
and therefore useless, then I suggest
the only solution is putting in an order
for a new God, a new Bible, a new Messiah,
and a new Lord's prayer:
“Give us this day our daily shish kebab and pilaf,
and lead us not into massacres.”
Do you really think
our bosses, bishops, and benefactors
are in need of your solutions?
How many letters have you received from them
so far asking for solutions?
How many letters have you received from them
so far asking for your “moral and financial support?”
These gentlemen have no use for your two cents' worth.
They want your bucks.
The bigger the buck the better.
Instead of statesmen we have panchoonies
whose favorite punch line is “Mi kich pogh.”
If you haven't understood that much about Armenians,
what, pray tell, have you understood?
A rhetorical question.
No need to answer.
Because the answer is obvious:
nil, nada, nothing,
vochinch, rien, zero, zilch!

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HOW NOT TO SOLVE PROBLEMS
Because I am not a prophet, they want my head on a platter.
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The only reason we engage in verbal massacre is that the real thing is against the law.
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They tell me they are all for free speech, but not for idiots like me, and they define idiot as anyone who disagrees with them.
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Like the kingdom of god, the solution to our problems is within us. But if we are to believe our Turcocentric ghazetajis, the solution is in Ankara.
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When I was a fascist I justified myself by saying, how can I, a victim of fascism, be a fascist? I now have the answer to that question: the secret ambition of all victims is to victimize.
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It is written: “If you have an Armenian friend, you don't need enemies.”
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The solution to our problems is not a verbal formula. But if you insist on a verbal solution, abracadabra is as good as any.
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When nations lack critics, it means they are not worthy of them.
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To those who say the nation will be better off without Armenians like me, I say, you are now in an excellent position to understand them because that's exactly how they felt about us at the turn of the last century.
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Only after we de-Ottomanize ourselves we may begin the search for solutions. Until then we will continue to think of genocide as the only viable solution.

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Ara Baliozian

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Reader's Comment by Sukru Aya

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2548) Some Armenians Write Anonymously On Internet As They Are Afraid of Turkish Retaliation
STRAIGHT TALK ---- AND AN ECHO OF SINCERITY!
Some Armenians write anonymously on the Internet because, I am told, they are afraid of Turkish retaliation. I invite these Armenians to answer the following questions. How many Armenians have Turks killed during the last fifty years? (About 70) How many Turks have Armenians killed in the same period? (One) And last but far from least: How many Armenians have been killed by Armenians? (Should be few hundreds!) See # 2529!

Turks, moreover, have welcomed thousands of Armenians in Turkey. How many Turks have we welcomed in our homeland and communities in the Diaspora? “Dzour nesdink, shidag khossink.”
*Anyone who thinks he knows and understands everything he needs to know and understand should be declared a certified case of arrested development or a mindset that consists in mindlessness.
If space can't be infinite, where does it end? What's on the other side of the line or wall? Why things exist? These are questions no scientist or philosopher has ever been able to answer. Now then, go ahead and pretend to know and understand all you need to know and understand when what you know may not even be a drop in the ocean of knowledge.I know that I cannot know with my knowledge, things that are universally UNKNOWN!)

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ILLUSIONS
A headline in our paper this morning reads: “Saudi king calls for unity and reconciliation.” If kings can entertain illusions, why not Armenian scribblers?.. (Easy – no cost)
*Some Armenians believe if they lower Turks, they will raise themselves. Like most beliefs, this too is an illusion. People don't judge you by how much you hate your enemies, but by how well you treat your friends.
(Why should I need enemies and make my and others’ lives miserable?)
*What is the difference between an Armenian who uses his tongue like a yataghan and an executioner? The executioner thinks of himself as a law-and-order man. The Armenian believes his superior brand of patriotism allows him to engage in verbal massacre – the real thing being against the law... (Sure!)
*It is said that shortly before he died, Zohrab's assassin dictated an apology. He may have – he was a Kurd.
*Writing for a hostile audience can be more stimulating than writing for a friendly one. But nothing beats writing for Armenians. (Had no problems in writing to many Armenian friends, we loved each other humanly!)
*Speaking of Kurdish assassins: When a wealthy Armenian merchant hired a notorious Kurdish assassin to kill Raffi, the Kurd refused to carry out his assignment when he found out his target was only a harmless scribbler. Had the Kurd been an Armenian, I suspect the story would have had a different ending. (Things may get messed up if we dig nationalities and religions, owing to many obligatory/advantageous changes!)

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ARMENIANS AND ARMENIANS
I keep writing in the full knowledge that on the day I die I will look back and think it has all been a waste and that I could have been of more use to my fellow men had I been a plumber or carpenter. (I thank you Mr. Baliose)
*Jesus was a carpenter. I wonder why more Christians are not encouraged to go into carpentry. An Armenian friend of mine, a born-again in his eighties, who knows the Bible inside out, is an amateur carpenter. He hates Turks not because they tried to exterminate us but because they didn't finish the job. Judging by the kind of e-mails I get and comments on Armenian discussion forums, this born-again friend of mine is not a rare case among us. (Evidence show that CUP Turks, were incapable to exterminate, if they ever had tried!)
*It is easy to sermonize about love and patriotism (which is also love – love of country and countrymen) but much more difficult to practice what one preaches. (Proverb: Do what the Hodja says, don’t do what he does!)
*If two Armenians cannot share their Armenianism, neither it seems can they share their humanity. Why this should be so is beyond me. If you have an answer, please let me have it.. (Nationalism: Coat for the NEEDY!)
*To be fair, not all Armenians hate Armenians. Armenians can be excellent friends provided they live on different continents, share the same belief system, and their grand-grandparents were born and raised in the same obscure little village in Anatolia. (We do OK in Turkey, but those going outside, change in time! Why?)
*What if the so-called superior brand of Armenianism of Ottomanized Armenians is nothing but an inferior brand of Ottomanism? (Some are trying to bring back Muslim Ottomanism, we the seculars try to fight them!)
*Armenian and Armenian is like cat and dog, or cobra and mongoose, or chicken and fox, or Armenian and Turk.
(This rule is not applicable for those living in Turkey, despite ongoing sh.. slinging!)

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OPINIONS
An opinion is just an opinion. It is not and it should not be treated like a paragraph in a belief-system.
*To contradict an opinion with a belief system is like trying to kill a butterfly with a sledgehammer.
*To me, our genocide is less about Turkish barbarism and more about Armenian weakness. To emphasize the first and to ignore the second is to miss the point. (Why devaluate the Armenian barbarism?)
*With some Armenians, patriotism is a word that allows them to either insult their fellow Armenians or to get their money. (Oh…sweet money to spread honey
*There are times when writing for Armenians feels like engaging in mortal combat. (I experience the same!)
*We ask for a solution to our problems, and when someone gives it to us, we ignore it. Case in point: In the 19th century Raffi said, “the Ottoman Empire is no place for Armenians.” Had we acted on his advice, there would have been no genocide. Whenever I mention this fact, outraged readers tell me: “Are you suggesting we should have abandoned our 'babenagan' (ancestral) homes and emigrated en masse? That's crazy!”
Well, was it sane being driven out forcefully into the desert and dying of thirst and starvation by the million?
*Long before Raffi, Yeghishé (5th century AD) said: “Solidarity is the mother of good deeds, divisiveness of evil ones.” You may now draw your own conclusions.
Would Armenians had been richer-happier-better if they were not “fortunately expatriated”?)
You may now draw your own conclusions.

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DO I SPEAK THE TRUTH?
No, of course not.
Truth is God's territory, not ours.
We, poor mortals, can speak only of what we have experienced, seen, and understood, which means only a tiny fraction of reality, and tiny to the point of being almost invisible to the naked eye.
*If we disagree, it may be because our experiences are different. I could never say I will ignore my own experiences and adopt yours.
*If what you have experienced, seen, and understood is different from mine, so much the better. It is by assembling as many eyewitness accounts as we can that we may have an approximate version of our collective experience. But if you say only the positive should be accepted and the negative rejected, then the result is bound to be not an objective and balanced version of the story but one that is more akin to fiction and propaganda.
*If you say, “Armenians are not as bad as you paint them,” then I am fully justified in saying “Neither are they as good as they claim to be.” After all, who in his right mind lends any credence to the self-assessment of a self-satisfied jackass or to the boasts of a megalomaniac? (All humans are the same; they all sucked raw milk!)
*One way to judge a nation is by the manner in which it treats its writers, which also means, ideas in general, and free speech, that is to say, human rights. To understand a nation, read the history of its literature.
*Every Armenian pretends to be a better Armenian. As for the alienated and assimilated: they pretend to be better human beings, and who can blame them?
*They tell me, as a writer I should inspire rather than denigrate. A writer? Me? No! I am only a witness among many. A witness who thinks we either seek wisdom or wallow in our ignorance. That may not be the truth. But neither is it a lie. Let us agree to call it an approximation. (You’re better, you can both think and write!)

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WHO LOVES ARMENIANS? (I love all good-decent people Armenian-Chinese-Negro no difference!)
Not even Armenians.
Am I saying something you don't know?
Is it conceivable to say anything to an Armenian that he doesn't already know?
* There is no cure for stupidity and patriotism, surely, the most lethal combination in the history of mankind.
*Whenever there is talk of literature and Armenians, I am reminded of the Turkish saying: “Eshek khoshavdan ne annar?” (freely translated: “What the hell does a jackass know about stewed raisins?”)
*Called “Asshole” by a farmer, Chirac is said to have extended his hand and replied: “Pleased to meet you. My name is Chirac.”
Compare this story to what happened in a Yerevan nightclub when a probably tipsy Armenian greeted Kocharian in a too friendly manner: he was dragged out by Kocharian's bodyguards and beaten to death in the washroom.
*In our Soviet phase, our commissars said, “If we can shoot them, by bother sending them to Siberia?” In the Diaspora today they say: “If we can silence or insult them, why bother saying we disagree with them.”
*A house divided is not a home.
*Next time someone tells you we need solutions, ask him: “If I give you one, what will you do with it?”
*Never speak in the name of God or patriotism if you can speak in the name of common sense and decency.
*The most widespread fallacy among Armenians, “Those in authority know better.”
*A question an Armenian never asks: “What if I am wrong?” (If we can be right, why can’t we be wrong?)

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ALL IN A DAY'S WORK
The struggle between truth-seekers and liars is as old as mankind, and if it ever comes to an end, you can be sure of one thing: it won't be in our lifetime.
*A headline in our Op-Ed page today reads: “Junk science tactics are designed to confuse the public and the policy-makers.”
*Kings are beheaded, presidents assassinated, generals killed, chief executive officers are exposed as crooks, writers are silenced, rejected, betrayed, starved, sometimes even butchered or shot by commissars and their many pseudo- and neo-successors. It's all in a day's work. It comes with the territory. It is an integral part of the human condition. A routine occurrence in the history of mankind.
*I like to say that some of my worst detractors who write anonymously are either bishops or sons of bishops because when I wrote for the weeklies, one of the nastiest letters to the editor against me was written by the secretary of a bishop – probably dictated by him.
*“To write as you do, you must have some big balls!” a reader tells me. No. Not really. As a matter of fact, whenever I visit my dentist, I remind him of the fact that I happen to be an Orthodox Coward. If I appear brave to some it may be because I am surrounded by yellow-belly dupes with the guts of a mouse who are afraid of their own shadow.
*And then there is the motor-mouth fishwife and the garbage-mouth imbecile who expects me to believe that I am always wrong and s/he is always right. There is only one infallible person on this planet and we meet him every day in an Armenians discussion forum.
*Since they write anonymous(e)ly, most of my detractors think no one will ever know who they are. No one except themselves; and they may run from themselves but they can't hide. (I write openly, call me coward or friendly?
HOMAGE TO MY MUSES
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Ever since some years ago I called one of my not-so-gentle readers an “inbred moron,” he has done his utmost to prove me right. More recently the same thing happened when I called two of my less-than-gentle readers a “fishwife” and a “garbage-mouth scumbag” respectively.
*After reading that Charents had committed suicide by banging his head against the wall of his Yerevan jail, a reader suggests that I do the same – that is, bang my head against a wall until I am dead. I have every reason to suspect that if this reader were to bang his head against a cement wall, he would pulverize the wall long before he manages to do any discernible damage to his skull. Perhaps there lies the secret of our survival -- not inner strength, versatility, and cunning (as we have been brainwashed to believe) but a thick skull.
*Judging by their concentrated venom, some readers hate me so much that all I have to do to get even with them is to stay alive. (Stay alive, at least as long as I live! I don’t think we can communicate behind the wall!)
*One of the advantages of being an Armenian writer is the knowledge that all it takes to acquire a mortal enemy, a faithful reader, and an endless source of inspiration (all three for the price of one) is to come up with the right word at the right time and place. (I choose second and third choice…enjoy the mortal enemy if you need!)
*Some poets are inspired by noble sentiments or heroic deeds, others by picturesque landscapes or sunsets or the eternal snows of Mount Ararat, still others by a lovely face. All I need is an ugly Armenian and I don't even have to look for them. They come to me gift-wrapped and free of charge. I can truly say therefore that when it comes to muses, my cup runneth over niagarally. (Better use Mont Blanc instead of Ararat; lately PKK terrorists took two German climbers at 3200 mm altitude… They were released after they paid!)

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VARIATIONS ON FAMILIAR THEMES
*If you have a choice between fighting a sumo wrestler and a motor-mouth wench, choose the fat Jap. OK
*The difference between a garden-variety idiot and an Armenian idiot is that the Armenian will think of himself as a genius.

(OK – not limited to Armenians)
*Of how many brainwashed dupes one could say, he may shave and wear pants but his brain is still in diapers.
*If you are for honesty, crooks will unite against you. If you are for free speech, commissars will gang up on you.
If you are for democracy, fascists will verbally massacre you. It has been my misfortune to have riffraff as critics.

*If no one wants you dead, you can't be a writer. A brown-noser, yes . A writer, no! (What? Victimized Ara?)
*Nothing can be as repellent as the rottenness of mediocrities or the self-satisfaction of a total ignoramus
who parades as an expert on any given subject and becomes so vulgar and aggressive when contradicted
that no one wants to tangle with him – a fact which he invariably misinterprets as a victory. (Yes, but many!)

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BRAZIL
When no one comments on what I write, I feel ignored, dejected, depressed.. (Want to pay for my therapy?)
When even a single reader takes it upon himself to verbally abuse me, I feel much better. (Pitying yourself?)
When, on those very rare occasions, two or more readers insult me, I think I've got it made and any better I couldn't stand. (You have one, search for the second!)
*Writing for Armenians is a sensation akin to swimming in a Brazilian river teeming with toothless piranhas.
*They may be toothless but they have the memory of elephants. (Can fish brains think?)
*ARMENIAN SAYINGS
A toothless dog barks from a distance.
*If you have a choice between fighting a fully-armed knight on horseback and a loud-mouth woman, choose the knight.
*When you go to war, pray once. When you cross the ocean, pray twice. When you take a wife, pray three times.
(WRONG! There are many good wives to share life! I shared with mine 45 years, not a single insult!)
*A coward takes revenge by slicing a watermelon.
*He who speaks the truth bears many scars. (Sure, gets kicked out nine villages! He is not needed!)

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FASCISTS AMONG US
Once upon a time I was a fascist and didn't know it. The first time someone pointed that out to me, I thought,what the hell does he know? There is a tendency in all of us to believe that which is to our advantage and to disbelieve or ignore that which is against us. If someone tells us we are smart, we think, sure, why not? But if someone tells us we are dumb or even not as smart as we think we are, that's when the excrement hits the ventilator.
*Can a victim of fascism be a fascist, or the victim of a racist be a racist? When a Canadian critic with a German name, in his review of my first book, called me a racist, I thought, the damn fool is projecting. (May he was right, there is Armenianism practically in every line! Is it that you or they need this booster?)
*If you can't trust your father, or schoolteacher, or parish priest, whom can you trust? Very probably this misconception or misplaced trust has created more fascists than Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, and Idi Amin Dada combined.
*Can a victim of fascism be a fascist? As nationalists, we don't think of ourselves as victims of fascism. We think of ourselves as victims of Turks, Kurds, Russians, or Azeris. But a fascist is a fascist regardless of nationality, in the same way that “a bourgeois is a bourgeois regardless of nationality” (Lenin), a Neanderthal is a Neanderthal, a skinhead is a skinhead, a hoodlum is a hoodlum, and a dealer in chauvinist crapola is a dealer in verbal manure and the fact that the ordure happens to be of Armenian origin doesn't make its stench more bearable. (Sure!)
*How to recognize a fascist? If you express an honest opinion and you are verbally abused, he is a fascist. Whenever that happens to me, I count my blessings. In another time and place, I think, he would have me shot or do the shooting himself, and get a medal for it, or a raise in pay “for services rendered to the Fatherland.” Heil Hitler! Mussolini ha sempre ragione (Mussolini is always right). Gott mit uns (God with us). Finally, if he speaks in the name of God only to legitimize his ignorance, intolerance, hatred, and criminal conduct, he is a fascist.

MORE ON ARMENIAN FASCISM
May I take the liberty to remind some of my not-so-gentle readers that dialogue consists in assertion or thesis, contradiction or antithesis, and synthesis, and not – repeat, not!, definitely verboten – in kicking in the balls of your adversary, gouging his eyes out, and dancing on his grave.
*If I ever decide to write a book on Armenian fascism, all I have to do is visit an Armenian discussion forum on the Internet and quote from it by way of illustration. (Get inspiration from posting # 2524 comments)
*The hardest thing for an Armenian to understand is that supporting a regime of bloodsuckers has absolutely nothing to do with patriotism and everything to do with cowardly and blind subservience.
*There is talk here in Canada about passing a law against anonymous bullying on the Internet. If that happens, most Armenian discussion forums will go out of business, and I for one will not mourn their passing.
*Since as an Armenian writer I work for nothing, there are those who think I would be more than willing to work for minimum wage, and they are taken aback when I insult them.

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A ROUTINE OCCURRENCE
In his effort to assert his brand of superior patriotism, he exposes himself as a scumbag, and he is too full of himself to realize what's happening – and when I say too full of himself I mean of course too full of something else...

*DEFINITIONS OF PATRIOTISM
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A bishop will define it as a belief system in which God and His representatives on earth play a central role. A benefactor will define it as a system in which Capital is God. A political boss will define it as a system in which the Party (namely, himself) is both God and Capital. It follows, in the eyes of some we will all be guilty of treason and deserve to fry.

*THE ART OF WAR
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If in doubt be assertive on the grounds that the average dupe or ignoramus judges the reliability of an opinion by the degree of assertiveness it is made. If you suspect your adversary knows better, be aggressive on the grounds that if he is half as smart he will have enough sense not to tangle with you.





*ON BENEFACTORS, BROWN-NOSERS,
FUND RAISERS, & PANCHOONIES
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Raymond Chandler: “Where the money is, so will the jackals gather.”


(SSA says; “The Genocide Fanfare, is the tune played by the Dashnakist nymphs to plunder reparations”

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RONDO
The biggest mistakes are the easiest to make.
*Even when historians agree on the facts or physics (time, place, numbers) they may disagree on the metaphysics (values, ethics, religious commandments). Some Muslims are brought up to believe killing infidels is not a crime against humanity but a religious duty. They may thus plead not guilty by reason of religious conviction, belief system, or metaphysical insanity.
*
The rule is, if a politician and historian agree, they must be both wrong.
*Losing wars is not a crime. It can happen to the mightiest empires (remember the Yanks in Vietnam and the Soviets in Afghanistan). Peace-loving and civilized people may be enslaved by warlike barbarians. That too is not a crime. What is a crime, and a serious one, is, in legal parlance, dropping your pants and bending over. To the sultans we were their most loyal millet, and to the Bolsheviks we betrayed our ablest men. But that's not our greatest blunder either. Our greatest blunder,which is worse than a crime, is treating our own leaders as if they were sultans and commissars. (Sure! All criminals are treated as martyrs! Medals are given in the name of General Dro, who fought in the Nazi armies not only against Jews but Russian Armenians!
*Habits die hard. It may take more than a century to shake off habits acquired during millennia. For more on this subject, read Baronian and Odian – two men with cojones who spoke the truth as they saw it. Baronian was betrayed to the police and Odian died an alcoholic. And finally, consider the case of Gomidas Vartabed whose sole ambition in life was to revive our ancient melodies and harmonies. He too was betrayed to the authorities and eventually took refuge in insanity.

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EMPIRES AND TRIBES
Empires are not born but made. Once upon a time all empires were a single obscure little tribe in some remote corner of the map. It takes a thousand right policy decisions for a tribe to become an empire, and it takes an equal number of wrong decision for a tribe to remain a tribe. (Wisely stated!)
Whenever this subject comes up, I hear someone say, “We Armenians are peace-loving people, not greedy and bloodthirsty empire builders.” (Ha, Ha… Read Pastirmadjian book in the free E-book library first!)

Such an Armenian speaks with a forked tongue. I believe nothing he says because he does not speak, he parrots hearsay evidence. Such an Armenian will believe anything that flatters his vanity. In another context this very same Armenian will boast about the empire of Dikran the Great. (Ha, Hah… search pride in past centuries?)
Don't get me wrong. I am not here to extol imperialism. I am only trying to understand and explain reality as objectively as I can without allowing the propaganda of politicians to contaminate my reason. All politicians lie, including our own. Nothing unusual in that. Our historians, like most historians, lie too, and they lie to earn their pay. We hate to admit this for a number of reasons. We hate to admit that subservience has entered our bloodstream and rearranged our DNA. For many centuries we were subservient to foreign despots. We are now subservient to the lies of our wheeler-dealers even when they tell us they had nothing to do with out misfortunes. It was all written. Kismet. God is great, and God in His wisdom has willed it thus and so. It has been said that Christianity replaced the human master (or king) with the divine master, and God is a king who doesn't have to exist in order to rule. Again and again I am told to be more positive and to provide solutions. Does that mean lies are positive and truth negative? Does that mean objective judgment is suspect and propaganda patriotic?
A critic's job is not to kiss ass and say it smells like roses, but to expose contradictions, and more particularly, the lies of charlatans. (Here you struck your balyoz…but they still survive and chant!)
As for solutions: Do you then think all our writers have been doing during the last 1500 years is engage in mental masturbation? If you think that, all I can say is: May God have mercy on your soul, if there is a God and you have a soul. (Sure!)

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OBSERVATIONS
All our publications are subsidized by bosses, bishops, and benefactors. Which means you can say nothing against God, Capital, and the Party; only Turks. This may explain why our Turcocentric ghazetajis are our most prolific, ubiquitous, and popular writers. Next time you hear about an Armenian who was awarded a literary prize, you can be sure of one thing: he is a Turcaholic.(At least some, always think of Turks – negatively of course)
*Armenian criticism: Revenge by other means.
*I have never heard a decent Armenian say we need solutions, only dupes and crooks who will reject any solution that threatens to expose them.
*The only time I question the truth of the dictum, “No one is beyond redemption,” is when I visit an Armenian discussion forum on the Internet.
*To ignore Armenian writers is to exterminate them by other means. There is a micro-Talaat and mini-Stalin in all of us.
*An Armenian once said to me: “When I stay away from Armenians, I am a vegetarian. In their company I become a carnivore.”
*Some writers, among them Gabriel Garcia Marquez, write for their friends. I write against my enemies. My ideal reader is one who reacts to my things with profanities, but after a while – say, in 9 or 99 years – he begins to suspect I may not be as hopeless a case as he thought I was, and someday, with his guidance, I may even begin to see things his way. (I am not optimist, each is free to see things as they comfort, not necessarily real!)

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ON TRUTH AND LIES
Hagop Baronian: “Truth is a language that if not spoken is forgotten.”
*Socrates: “To know is to remember.”
*The more incompetent or corrupt the leadership, the bigger the lies of nationalist historians. (Always!)
*Since no one reads Armenian writers these days, I have taken it upon myself to paraphrase and quote them if only to remind our philistines that once upon a time there trod upon this earth giants with cojones who spoke the truth as they saw it. Ostracized, starved, betrayed to the police, and killed in cold blood, they are now as extinct as dinosaurs. In their place we now have castrated midgets who bitch endlessly about Turks.
*Like most Armenians I too was brainwashed to emphasize the positive and cover up the negative, that is to say, to lie. But somewhere along the line I discovered the value of the dictum “Truth shall set you free.” I also began to see that covering up the negative meant recycling the propaganda of “leaders” who, it has been said, cannot even lead a dog to the nearest fire hydrant or catch a cold in a flu epidemic. Propaganda is the medium of politicians, and politicians, regardless of nationality, are enemies of another dictum as valid and self-evident as the one about truth quoted above, namely “All men are brothers.”
*Today's quote in our local paper: “People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest.”Hermann Hesse.

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FINAL SOLUTION
You want solutions to our problems? Read the Bible.
And if you think you are smarter than God, find your own goddamn solutions.
If you say the solutions in the Bible are dated and therefore useless, then I suggest the only solution is putting in an order for a new God, a new Bible, a new Messiah, and a new Lord's prayer:
“Give us this day our daily shish kebab and pilaf, and lead us not into massacres.”
Do you really think our bosses, bishops, and benefactors are in need of your solutions?
How many letters have you received from them so far asking for solutions?
How many letters have you received from them so far asking for your “moral and financial support?” Hah!
These gentlemen have no use for your two cents' worth. They want your bucks.
The bigger the buck the better. Hah !
Instead of statesmen we have panchoonies whose favorite punch line is “Mi kich pogh.”
If you haven't understood that much about Armenians, what, pray tell, have you understood?
A rhetorical question. No need to answer.
Because the answer is obvious: nil, nada, nothing, vochinch, rien, zero, zilch!

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HOW NOT TO SOLVE PROBLEMS
Because I am not a prophet, they want my head on a platter.
*The only reason we engage in verbal massacre is that the real thing is against the law.
*They tell me they are all for free speech, but not for idiots like me, and they define idiot as anyone who disagrees with them. (We better let them call us idiots, instead of paying them and kissing their ass!)
*Like the kingdom of god, the solution to our problems is within us. But if we are to believe our Turcocentric ghazetajis, the solution is in Ankara. (Ankara knows nothing, does nothing, can do nothing!)
*When I was a fascist I justified myself by saying, how can I, a victim of fascism, be a fascist? I now have the answer to that question: the secret ambition of all victims is to victimize.
*It is written: “If you have an Armenian friend, you don't need enemies.” (Many Armenians waste my time, a few makes me happy! I stick to those who have no idiotic prejudices other than being all humans!)
*The solution to our problems is not a verbal formula. But if you insist on a verbal solution, abracadabra is as good as any.
*When nations lack critics, it means they are not worthy of them.
*To those who say the nation will be better off without Armenians like me, I say, you are now in an excellent position to understand them because that's exactly how they felt about us at the turn of the last century.
*Only after we de-Ottomanize ourselves we may begin the search for solutions. Until then we will continue to think of genocide as the only viable solution. (We lost so many millions lives and a decayed Empire just to de-Ottomanize ourselves, why should you desire it, when you are all in sure ever green countries? Why is this nostalgia for clay houses with no roads, water or any comfort and the peace of which was lost when the Dashnakists-Henchakists-and the Imperialists came to SAVE from the Turkish yoke. Do you feel uncomfortable now that you have no yoke or think that it was a necktie of civilisation? – Is there any other nation finding satisfaction in self-victimization and watering animosities? Psychic? SSA)
Highlighted Comments by Sukru Aya

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